


Realization

by through_shadows_falling



Series: Supernatural Ficlets [8]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, POV Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2015-03-22
Packaged: 2018-03-19 02:06:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3592242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/through_shadows_falling/pseuds/through_shadows_falling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Realization slammed into Sam as they cruised down the highway in the Impala. They had just finished a case and were headed back to the bunker, but ever since speaking to one of the witnesses of the haunting, Sam had been distracted.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Realization

"Oh my god."

Realization slammed into Sam as they cruised down the highway in the Impala. They had just finished a case and were headed back to the bunker, but ever since speaking to one of the witnesses of the haunting, Sam had been distracted. 

The girl was barely out of her teens. She had seen the vengeful spirit on one of her rounds at the edge of town. It was cold, and her bare legs were dotted with goosebumps as she pulled her thin shawl around her shoulders. They hadn’t talked long, but something she said made Dean shift uncomfortably. At the time, Sam had only registered it as strange without knowing why. But now, thinking about it…

"I’m doing this for my kid brother." Those were her words after she admitted to her profession. Her eyes had blazed as she jutted her jaw defiantly, and while Sam had drawn back, Dean had only reached for his wallet.

"Let me pay for tonight, plus the cost of a motel," he said. "Get you and your brother a warm room and a hot meal, okay?"

"I don’t need your charity," the girl spat. 

"I’m giving you free money and you don’t want it?" 

Dean held out a wad of bills, and finally, reluctantly, the girl snatched it up and left, wobbling slightly on her heels. 

Sam’s eyes trailed her as she disappeared around the corner, but before he could say anything, Dean cut in.

"She’s doing what she can for her family. Just let it go."

"I wasn’t going to say anything!"

But Dean was tight-lipped the whole way back to their motel. 

Sam thought nothing of it as they slept and then focused on the case. Research led to the cemetery, and they were able to take out the ghost once and for all. 

Now, though, pieces slotted together in Sam’s mind. He stole a glance at his brother. 

Dean, who was driving, shot him a curious look in response. ”What?” he said after turning down the volume of the music. “You got something to say?”

"Dean…" Sam started, but the words clogged in his throat. He swallowed and managed, "You…did you ever…for me, I mean…when we were younger…?" 

Dean’s expression hardened and he glued his eyes to the road. 

"I don’t know what you’re talking about."

"Dean."

"It doesn’t matter, Sammy."

"Yes, yes it does."

"Why?"

"Because…!" Sam’s voice broke. Dean had already sacrificed so much for him. Too much. And apparently, Sam didn’t even know the worst of it.

"It was never…" Dean grit out after a long pause. Music warbled from the radio, but it was so quiet it was like white noise. He tightened his fingers on the wheel. "It never went that far. Just some…basic stuff. Easy stuff. It was fine."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"It means I did what I had to do so we could eat!"

"Did what you had to do? God, Dean! How old?"

"It doesn’t matter."

"How old were you, Dean? How old was I? How long were you—?"

Dean growled but clamped his mouth shut. He trained his gaze forward and refused to speak. 

Sam stared at the window. Part of him felt like his whole world was crashing down around him. 

How stupid could he be? He remembered days where Dean seemed off, where he kept massaging his jaw, where he brushed his teeth obsessively. God, Sam had been such an idiot. Such an oblivious idiot, blindly accepting Dean’s explanations and accepting the food without even thinking.

And then Sam had told Dean they weren’t brothers anymore. That he wouldn’t make the same choice to save Dean, that Dean was… Self-loathing curdled in Sam’s stomach. 

He had alluded to Dean being  _selfish_. 

 _Selfish_.

Jesus Christ. How could he have done that? As if Sam didn’t already feel guilty enough. 

"I’m sorry," Sam said. When Dean opened his mouth, Sam quickly clarified, "I’m sorry you had to make that choice. Dad should’ve been there. You shouldn’t have had to—"

"Water under the bridge."

"It’s still not okay." Sam waited for Dean to concede his point, and finally his brother shrugged. 

"Whatever, dude. I did it and it’s done."

"Yeah."

They were both quiet again. 

"Hey Dean?"

Dean grunted. 

"Thanks," Sam said around the lump in his throat. 

"Course, Sammy." 

Dean reached for the dial and cranked the volume.

**Author's Note:**

> I was so angry when Sam said those hurtful things to Dean in The Purge, because this is my headcanon - that Dean did so much for Sam without him even realizing it. During that conversation, Sam come across as supremely ungrateful, and I just wanted him to have a moment to realize all that Dean sacrificed and actually be appreciative of what his brother did for him.


End file.
